Saturday, March 20, 2010

Saying Goodby is Hard

Once we got here, Shawn and I set to getting as much in order as possible. I just adored our little valley and house. It was just like what Kyle and I had always talked about. Mr. H set to showing Kyle the ropes and Ron both followed them, helped unpack and hang pictures and spent as much time playing with Colton as he could.

Before Ron and Shawn left the Mr. & Mrs. H took us out to eat at the local hot spot. We where able to meet several of our neighbors. I couldn't get over how friendly and welcoming everyone was around here.

The first four day's passed quickly. Two days before Ron and Shawns departure I watched as a dark cloud seemed to settle over Kyle. He couldn't express what was bothering him, but I could see it went down to his bones. I got more and more worried (I am a worry wort after all) The millions of scenarios ran through my brain. But until he let me in what could I do?
The next day I pulled him aside and had him out what was bothering him. He was worried about Colton saying goodbye to Manna and Papa. They had been a nearly daily part of his life since he was born. He was worried that he would be hurt and sad by their leaving, and he was the one responsible for causing that pain. Kyle said it was his fault we were here.

You know its always hard to say when or how Satan will make his attack, but I was surprised that it came this way. This trip had been so full of every blessing God could bestow and we knew it. In my heart of hearts I had no doubt that God is the one who brought us here - not Kyle. I knew God cultivated this dream in both of us, He showed us the way. He brought us through the red sea (That was South Dakota I'm sure), and He had brought us to the other side safe and sound. I was not about to doubt that we were supposed to do this.

I didn't really know what to say to Kyle to console so I committed it to prayer. I did tell Kyle that I believed he was falling for a lie. That it could be hard for Colton to say goodbye to Ron and Shawn, but children are of all things resilient. He would adjust, and so would we. This was a decision we made for the best of our family. Kyle told me that the past week he had gotten to know Colton so much better and just couldn't bear the thought of him in pain. It was ironic I thought - Wasn't that the point? Didn't we make this great change so that we could be closer as a family? I think the enormity of it all just was more than Kyle expected.

The morning came that Ron and Shawn were to leave. I even found the thought of them leaving difficult. After all, the reality was that Ron and Shawn had been an enormous part of our lives for the past 5 years for me and all of Kyles 26 years of life. Colton slept through the teary departure. We figured all of us crying would be what would upset him the most. So we left him to sleep.

And then they were gone. Kyle and I looked around sort of wondering what to do next. We had never felt this alone before. Colton soon woke up, he asked; "Where's Mana and Papa?" I said they had to go back to their house in Michigan. Colton looked around, then looked at me, furrowed his little brow and said, "I wanted to play with them." and that was it. In his mind his plans for the day had just been interrupted. He asked me to play and that's what I did. Leave it to the child to handle the adjustment better than any of us.

As the next few days passed, we began to settle in. Colton was thriving, loving the snow, his new room/play space, the tractors and cows. The H's took on the role of segregate parent/grandparent types and guided us through the transition with much love and grace. I will be thankful to them forever for that. Kyle settled into learning his new job and slowly the spark and joy of living the dream returned to him. I was already in love with this place.
A few days into it God reminded me of this verse.

For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace,
The mountains and the hills Shall break forth into singing before you,
And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
Isaiah 55:12

And that is pretty much how it's been ever since.

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