Monday, October 15, 2012

Autumn Breath

The other day I had one of those rare moments when I was able to....breath. It wasn't anything drastic or even unusual. I just went for a walk. I wasn't even alone, Kyle was walking ahead a bit towing Alex in the wagon. Colton and Adelina stayed back at my in-laws house to play and be fawned over. 
We just strolled up the road. The initial goal in my mind that I am still trying to shed the excess baby weight, and a mile of brisk walking would bring me that much closer to my goal. 
But, as we walked a strange thing started to happen. As I looked at the road below and in front of me I suddenly began to notice I really look down a lot. Normally my eyes don't catch anything spectacular, the pavement or dirt below my feet. Maybe some grass or weeds. But, even on this dreary day I was seeing something spectacular. Dots of gold, yellow, auburn, the occasional green and crimson flashed by. I felt my steps slow. They were just leaves...Maple, oak and sassafras mostly. But they seemed illuminated against the wet pavement. Each laid out showing off their beautiful outlines. 
I felt the first exhale....My pace steadied and I watched the colors pass.
I inhaled....and I felt my chin lift, I could see the road ahead now, long and straight, gently rising up the hill ahead. Kyle and Alex were far ahead of me. It was the most alone I had felt in weeks
I exhaled... I felt my thoughts float away. 
I inhaled... The air I took in was heavy with water, wind, musty leaves....
I exhaled.... I could see left and right. Into the forest, the dark trees like pillars to their leafy canopy, the floor a golden carpet of freshly fallen leaves. Non of them disturbed. I wanted to walk there to get lost in that beautiful forest room, but I also did not want to disturb it. I walked on.
I inhaled...My ears opened, above the rumble of the wagon ahead, I began to hear the rain drops dripping from the trees, the sound of the breeze through the wet leaves, I heard the creek of a tree branch above. 
My pace now was that of a sight see'er, I just wanted to drink in these moments. I was actually here. Gone were the thoughts of stress that had clouded my mind, gone was the chatter of children and family that hung on every nerve. I forgot my reason to come on this walk.
The release of it and the weight of it nearly bringing me to tears.
As I exhaled, I offered my breath to carry a prayer to heaven. I thanked God for this walk for this moment. 
My thoughts flooded with the peace only God can give. 
My soul quieted..
I inhaled....
For that moment it was just me and the wet road, God and the trees.
I breathed.

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